Fighting Boredom
So I've been at home for only 3 days and I'm already bored. I know there's a lot of stuff to do, but I just don't feel like doing it. Damn, where's my motivation when I need it!
All I've been doing for the past while is working out, piano, and violin. These 3 items alone take up so much time...but I feel like I should be more productive and do things of a higher priority. Oh I also took the time to clean the bathroom tub and living room table. It was disgusting, there was black mold or something growing in the cracks between the tiles.
That brings me to another point. I feel very uncomfortable living at home. After living by myself and having tons of freedom for the past 5 years, it's extremely confining to live at home. To be honest, it feels like a prison of sorts. And it's so dirty! God, it's like my parents are living in filth. Everything is messy, old, they stack stuff everywhere, and they never throw away anything. It's actually really pissing me off. I tried cleaning up stuff, but it feels like I'm facing a mountain of garbage.
My grandpa is at home too. Sigh. My parents expect me to take him places, but like...I really just don't feel like it. I know it's my obligation, but fuck, I really hate being a tour guide. I want to stay home and take care of my own shit, but I feel bad that he's being cooped in here too. I took him to the library yesterday, and it seemed like he didn't really care for it. Well, where else am I supposed to take him? I don't have a car, public transportation takes fucking forever, and frankly, Toronto is a really shitty town. It's also hard to talk to him. He only speaks Chinese, and my Chinese is terrible. Whenever I don't understand him and ask him what he means, he gets irritated at me and really impatient. Fuuuccckk. And he worries about absolutely everything! If I mention the slightest thing (ie I thought I was in danger of not passing a certain course), he bugs me about it everyday (and demanded to see my grades). Goddamn old people...they have nothing else to do.
I feel very sorry for him. It must suck more for him - to be trapped here and not even know the language. No wonder he talks about going back to China everyday. Haha, we spent thousands bringing him here so he could go to my convocation. I TOLD my mom that bringing him now was too early (my convocation is in Oct 31), but fuck, did she listen? No! Now I'm stuck at home trying to entertain him.
Sigh. Shit. I need to find a job and move out of this place.
Don't be so hard on yourself regarding being 'more productive'. Seriously, you came out of a barrage of exams so you have every single right to relax and do piano/violin/working out. Plus, those three things are on your Goal/To Do list, aren't they?
We all need time to relax... it's not wasting time. It's called, recharging and spending time with yourself to do what you love.
But I know what that feels like... thinking you need to do something right from the get-go.
> < what a grouch... but try your best to be nice and have some patience cuz like you said, he's probably feeling out of place and lonely. After all, oct 31 is a very long time from now and you're going go to need to find a way to get along with him. (unless you're really planning on moving out...)
yeah, you're right. i need to let go of that urge to be productive. honestly though, i feel like kind of a burden on them. I'm eating all their food, using electricity, and sleeping under their roof, without contributing at all. On top of that, there's so much stuff I want to buy (HDTV and PS3 come to mind) but I can't afford it without $$, which means I need a job. Damn. Talk about a rock and a hard place.
They're your parents so it's expected that they feed you and shelter you and stuff. You'll be taking care of them when they get old so everything balances out. When should we set up that mahjong thing?