So That I Remember

So I was rejected by R yesterday, and I had no idea why since I thought that interview had gone pretty well. I was at a total low, since I thought the C one went well too...but low and behold....I got a call today to go to second round at C!!!!!!!!

WWWOOOO!!!

If there is higher being, he/she was totally at work. It's like..."fate" knew that I wasn't destined to be in investment banking, and they knew that I truly didn't want to do it (or maybe the interviewers could detect it, though I swear I hid it really well). But S&T....this is the place for me. Please God, if you're up there, please let me do well this Thursday and Friday. Please, please, please.

All 3 interviews are over now, and so far, I've gotten the rejection call from Scotia (apparently because I wasn't enthusiastic enough, though my technicals are very strong!). Haha, to be expected. I had absolutely no rapport with the interviewers since they were stone cold bitches. As well, I've never had a good experience with Scotia. Ever since first year when I interviewed with a derivatives trader who pretty much mocked me in the interview, Scotia/me interactions have been on a shitty downhill mudslide. I've never had a bank account with them, and at this rate, I urge you to cease all business with them too. Assholes. I hope they burn at the stake!

The notice for the other two (Royal & C, I'm sure you know which banks those are) will come early next week, and final rounds are late next week.

I can't say for sure if I'll get the 2nd round call. All I know is that the rejection call is absolutely devastating - even from Scotia (who I hate!) - because you always have that hope in the tiniest cavern of your heart, the thought that maybe there's still a chance because everybody else wasn't that impressive either.

Sigh...I honestly don't know what I'll do if I get rejected for these jobs. It's akin to Mihan's thoughts on med school applications. Rejection from this leaves me in limbo, which I'd probably wallow in for quite a long time. When I finally hit rock bottom, I'll have to lower my standards and apply to ... regular jobs. I think I'd honestly be scarred for life.

I'm scared to even think about it. My entire university career, all my hopes and dreams, will all be determined within the next week. Fuck, that's a lot of pressure. That's why I'm not even going to take the chance. Even though I haven't been told of their decision, I'm going to start studying. If I get the 2nd round, I'll be well prepared for technical questions. Also doesn't hurt to prep excessively for behavioural either. Yeah, I should think of some more scenarios where I've demonstrated my character.

All right, time to get to it! Oh yeah, I'm going to Montreal this weekend too, should be fun, but I wish I could be studying...haha, wow that's sad.

I just got a call for a S&T Analyst job today!!! The interview is tomorrow so is doesn't give me a lot of time to prepare, but I'll work all night if I have to!

WWWWWOOOOO, I'M BEASTING WITH THE INTERVIEWS!! Sweet mother fucking ass, just gotta impress them and close the deal!

I'm not going to fuck these chances up. Gotta go all the way! PUMPED!

Gonna go for the IB interview right now, and can't slip up in that one either just cus of the S&T interview. Phew, OK, I can do this, time to man up!

YES!. YES! yes!!!!! :D

The interview today went OK. I got the hardest question right, then I got one of the easiest questions wrong. Urg. Haha, hopefully they overlook it. Seem like nice guys, but if I don't get the job, I guess I'll end up cursing them.

Another one tomorrow! I feel much more confident now, they were asking stuff I happened to practise for, fantastic!

Wow, imagine it, I might be doing banking for the next 2-3 years....insane! I can't even fathom it, it's just such a crazy change of lifestyle.

Actually, better not to think that far. In all realistic likelihood, I probably won't end up getting the job. Sigh. It would be for the best anyway, that's 5 extra years I'll live thanks to the lack of stress.

Aiya. What's up with that defeatist attitude?! Chin up!

Got another IB interview. Looks like the Sales and Trading dream is dead, no one will ever consider me for S&T again :( What the fuck, IB is what I wanted to get away from, but it's all that keeps coming back.

2 next week...When it was just one, I felt OK, but 2...now I'm kind of nervous. The one that came today is the big one, probably would be the highest paying, most hours, most experience, most prestige.

But fuck that. I just want a life. I don't want to be in a cubicle 70% of the next 3 years. Fuck. My heart is fighting it so much, I don't want to do IB in the future :(

ARG. But I must :( Is life really supposed to be about this much sacrifice?

I have lots of wonderful news to share, it all happened yesterday!

So, a while back, I saw on RFD a deal from Banana Republic. They were having 40% off all regular priced items. I remember the clothes from BR to be pretty good quality, and I needed a new interview suit because my old one...well, it had no matching pants :( I got it a while ago at Zara, and it's a nice suit jacket, but it's kind of long and I was too cheap at the time to buy the pants that went along with it. Such a bad decision, I was wearing mismatched suits ever since.

Anyhoo, the sale was for the 16th and 17th. I didn't want to go on the 16th because I was already going downtown on the 17th to see the Sound of Music musical (which was pretty awesome), and I thought all the good clothes would be gone already, as everybody in the forums had lamented.

So yesterday, I get there, and I had a couple of errands to run first. I was standing in line at CIBC, when all of a sudden I get a call. It's not a number I recognize, and I'd been getting a few "wrong number" calls recently, and a lady asked for "Charlie", and I curtly replied "You've got the wrong number" and hung up. 2 seconds later, same number called "Is this [my name]?"

AND I WAS LIKE....OH SHIT NO. Same lady, same voice.

She goes on to tell me they want me to come in to an interview!!

Yay!!! FINALLY! My God, it's like...the drought is over. The job is .... (lol) investment banking (once they get you in, you can never get out), but whatever, the MONNNAAYYYY

And all of this, on the DAY that I went to presumptuously shop for interview clothes. It's fate. It's coincidence. It's...serendipity.

So I skip away in happiness, have a great conversation with the teller, skip down Bay Street, waltz into Eaton's Centre, and proceed to buy the awesomest suit of all time in BR for 40% off. It fits PERFECTLY. It looks great and the quality is fantastic. I'm so happy with my purchase, I don't even care that it costs pretty much a PS3 lol. It's an investment!

Now, the studying for a banking interview begins. Thank God I have old interview notes.

It feels like I've hyped it up so much now, but if I don't get the job, it's not a big deal. Gotta be realistic and keep my head out of the clouds. There's so many people vying for jobs that I have to work extra hard to impress.

PHEW. One though. One. What was my reward again? :D

I think I was way too stressed out the last few days. Irritable, stressed out, pissed off...it was definitely the PMS.

New goal now: I'm training for a 5km run!

I found that focusing on weight really led me nowhere. You feel guilty eating, and no amount of exercise seemed like enough. I realized that when I focused on the exercise as a challenge instead, that was always when I got to my fittest level. So now, my goal is to train for a 5km run and actually compete in a race some time next year!

I ran today to test out my fitness level, and it took 33 minutes to the 5km. Holy crap, it got incredibly difficult near the end that I had to walk a bit. I always run 5km usually, but it's at a light level. Never running for a time like this. After doing some research online, I found people who could run it in 15 mins! That's insanity!! 20 mins could get you a medal in some places, but to win, you need under usually 15. That's around 12 mph, which is ridiculously fast. That's like...me sprinting the whole way. Haha, oh well, that's what the training is for!

Another thing is that I need to get out more. Doesn't matter what it is, just leave the house at least once a day! I've been cooped up in here for far too long!! Cherry is so lucky, having an awesome metropolis on her doorstep, whereas I'm stuck in shitty Richmond Hill. Damn the 'burbs.

I feel like shit right now. No motivation to do anything, no drive to go out anywhere. I was applying to jobs when I realized I had made a typo on pretty much every resume I've sent out. Fuck. So stupid...it's too late to recall the resumes, so hopefully recruiters don't see. I feel like such an idiot. All I can do is that they're overwhelmed with resumes so they're scanning through quickly and don't catch it, OR, my qualifications impress them so much that they look the other way.

Aside from that, I feel tired and grouchy. I was feeling shitty this morning so I ate too much chocolate, and now I feel bad (and toothachey) because of that. The shit train just don't stop chuggin'. I don't even feel like running. Maybe I should run. I'll run later tonight.

Think I'll skip the job apps today. God, I feel so crappy right now. In a complete funk. It may actually be PMS, so it might pass in a few days, but for the time being, I wish I could just curl up in a hole somewhere and mope my way through this.

What could I do today? What do you do when you're feeling like a depressed droopy decaying branch?

I could make some music, I suppose. Yeah that's what I'll do today.

Fuck the job apps for now, completely not motivated right now because of the typo.

Aww...mmmmm...I want to crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep. So depressed for no reason. It's definitely PMS.

So I met this guy a week ago. Toys R Us. Chatted, he asked for my PSN (PS3 network name) and we've been messaging back and forth. Last Thursday I gave him my phone number and MSN to make talking easier (yes, overeagerness) but I was neither added nor called. Over the past 3 days, it's been a back and forth of "let's meet this day...oops gotta cancel" or the day goes by without anyone mentioning anything. I was obsessing over why this guy hasn't called. I know, clearly, he's not that into me, but I couldn't stop questioning for some reason.

Until, that is, I told my situation to Lirad, and he said the magic phrase that has given me complete clarity.

"Why be upset about it? He doesn't owe you anything, you don't owe him anything. You just talked in Toys R Us for a couple hours, so what?"

Fuck, so true, so enlightening. It all became clear at that moment! Why am I upset? Why should I even care so much? Geez, I don't even remember what he looks like! Given my history of horribly erroneous first meeting judgment, he probably looks hideous in retrospect.

I feel so much more free now, without all the questioning and doubt weighing on my mind. There's not even any bitterness. It's so true, he doesn't owe me anything, why would I expect anything? Damn...that's great. New way of thinking, I love it.

**UPDATE**

Through some random facebook/google stalking, I found out that he has a girlfriend!! Lololol it all makes sense, what an asshole! And yeah, totally not hot.

Update:

So I've applied to 26 jobs, which is definitely more than the 21 job app requirement. The reward?

• PS3 Bluetooth headset for maximum gaming/shit talking (Toys R Us has a deal going on right now: 20% off + $10 off coupon, so it'll only be $33!)
• Metal Gear Solid 4 (required to get the $10 off, since you need a $50 purchase first - and it's only $25 right now)
• Fat Princess

Fuckin' A.

On the game front, I also got Little King's Story for Wii after hearing some really good stuff about it. Can't wait to play!

All these job applications though, I wonder if I'll actually ever get an interview...haha, well it feels kind of defeating but whatever, I blame the shitty economy! I saw an article talking about how not being able to find a job post graduation has negative long term effects on the confidence of this generation. It may be true...it certainly feels shitty not being able to find a job, but I can't let this damage my mindset.

Sigh, no more negative thoughts. It's a numbers game from now on, just gotta keep on applyin' and truckin'.

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Thought about it some more, I don't really want Rock Band 2. Don't want to play it by myself...

What to do instead then? Fat Princess? Hehe...